In the wake of the million-dollar settlements that the Catholic Church is required to pay out to all the victims of sexual abuse who have been brave enough to come forward, I find it stunning that no one is talking about the reasons for this history of abuse.Pope Benedict XVI has found a handy scapegoat and has made a statement against gay men entering the priesthood.
That may sound good, and it is certainly in line with the church's belief system, but unfortunately that reasoning is statistically inaccurate.
Gay men are no more likely than heterosexual men to victimize children. People who victimize children are not heterosexual, they are not homosexual, they are pedophiles. They prey on children. Why? Because children are powerless and pedophilia is all about power and control.
So why is the incidence of sexual abuse so very high among Catholic priests? Could it be that requiring people to remain celibate and then putting them in positions of power is an incredibly bad idea? Perhaps celibacy is the root cause of this plague — in conjunction with the church's propensity for expecting blind obedience even from its adult congregants.
The pope doesn't want to consider the possibility that celibacy should be reassessed. He doesn't want to look at the extreme hierarchical nature of the Catholic Church as the root of this evil. He only wants to blame gay priests, probably most of whom are not the perpetrators of this plague at all.
Since the pope does not want to look at it, parents must. Do not tell your child that the priest is always right. Encourage your children to tell you if any adult makes them uncomfortable in any way. Then back your child up. You don't have to accuse this person if it is only a vague feeling. Just don't leave your child alone with anyone with whom he or she is uncomfortable.
Teach children that their bodies belong to them and they never have to be touched in any way, by anyone, if they don't want to be.
That includes Aunt Tillie who always wants a hug. If your child is not a hugger, respect that.
And expect other adults to respect it too.
Children who learn early that they have control over their own bodies are much less likely to be abused.
But if they are, and you have taught them that they have the same rights over their own bodies as adults do, they are much more likely to tell you.
Sexual abuse is never OK. But the effects are minimized when parents believe their children and empower them to take control — through prosecution of the abuser or simply through never leaving your child alone with anyone about whom either of you has doubts.
Professional counseling is always a good idea following a traumatic experience.
Communication is key. Some survivors need to talk it through often and for a long time.
Others prefer not to talk about it, but need to know it is safe to talk if they want to.
Listen to your child.
Let him or her lead you on the journey of healing, and always give the message that they will be OK.
This experience is just one experience in a life that can be full of joy if they are listened to, respected and allowed to heal naturally.
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The placing of an article hereupon does not necessarily imply that I agree or accept the contents of the article as being necessarily factual in theology, dogma or otherwise.
Sotto Voce