Patience With OneselfI think there is no harder trial in the spiritual life than the one you speak of.
One feels so weary of it all, fighting and struggling against things which seem so small and mean, and where there is apparently so little merit to be gained, and then comes the longing to throw it all up and be content with just doing the bare necessary to save one's soul.
You must have great patience with yourself, my dear child, and not expect to get into a region of perfect peace where there would be no trials or worries or fighting against self - even the saints did not enjoy that calm.
Remember, God sees the intention, which in your case is generous and unreserved. He is quite pleased with that, and only smiles when He sees us failing in our resolve and determination to be perfect.
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