In a world where half of all marriages end in divorce, living together before marriage is virtually the norm, and gay marriage is a growing issue.Traditional Catholic marriage is a counter-cultural institution.
So it can seem odd that the church still maintains the precept requiring couples to follow its marriage laws. Why have rules at all, especially when they seem so out of touch with the current of society?
In the past, people may have followed the precept halfheartedly out of a sense of tradition or because of their family’s wishes.
But priests like Father Joseph Mele, pastor of St. Sebastian in Ross Township, are finding that the Catholic couples seeking marriage today are finding new meaning in the precept, and their lives are changing for the better.
Though popular culture often emphasizes the romantic and sexual side of marriage, the Catholic vision of marriage embraces a love between a man and a woman purified by mutual self-sacrifice and self-giving. The church also believes marriage is a sacramental, permanent bond.
When the American bishops expanded the list of precepts in 1978, they hoped to combat the rise in divorce by reminding couples of the meaning of their life together.
But in recent years, marriage preparation has expanded to help couples set a strong foundation for their lives and for raising children in the faith. In a society that values individual freedom over anything else, marriage roots us to a family and obliges us to love and care for them.
In the Diocese of Pittsburgh, marriage preparation has four general parts: the prenuptial investigation, where the couple fills out forms to ensure the canonical requirements for marriage are met; pre-Cana programs, which prepare couples for married life; meetings with the wedding planner in the parish where the couple plans the ceremony; and meeting with the music minister to discuss musical selections.
During that process, Father Mele said, most priests meet at least twice with the couple, once to begin the process and again closer to the wedding date to finalize the paperwork. He speaks for his brother priests — and the laity who also walk alongside the couple — when talking about the joy he feels about preparing couples for marriage.
“It’s always just a very happy occasion,” he said. “It brings so many blessings to the parish and the priest. It’s one of the deepest joys of our ministry.”
Father Mele said marriage can also be a spiritual homecoming for couples who have cohabitated or married outside the church. For these couples, observing the precept comes not from a sense of duty but from a direct choice to follow church teaching and a desire to take ownership of their values.
In these cases — which in our culture are all too common — the precept is an opportunity for evangelization and spiritual growth.
Working side by side with a priest, they deepen their connection with the church.
Of course, the precept on marriage continues long after the wedding day.
In the American culture of no-fault divorce and sexual permissiveness, this precept emphasizes the need for married people to make a deep commitment to their marriage and family.
They must remain faithful to each other and follow the church’s guidance on natural family planning.
And then there are the children.
Children are a vital part of married life, and they deserve to be loved and to have a vital relationship with their parents.
They also deserve a relationship with God. Parents are obligated to love each other and their families and to pass their faith on to their children.
As our social fabric continues to unravel, the precept on marriage gives Catholic couples a foundation for a joyful life together.
It encourages them to understand marriage as more than a legal contract, more than a cultural convenience.
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