Bishop Paul Connell’s directive against wakes in parish churches in the diocese of Ardagh and Clonmacnoise has sparked debate, but it is not the first such edict in the Irish Catholic Church.
Back in 2018, Bishop William Crean issued similar guidelines for the diocese of Cloyne. In these, he said: “The church, as the place where the blessed sacrament is reserved, and where other services must take place, is not a suitable place for the wake.”
Elsewhere in his guidelines, Dr Crean said expressions of sympathy to the bereaved family in the church must be conducted in “an atmosphere of prayerful silence befitting the house of God” and that the coffin must remain closed at all times while in the church.
Lamenting that “some mistaken ‘novelties’” had crept into funeral customs, the bishop said his guidelines were an “aid” to celebrating a funeral liturgy with the “dignity both the deceased and bereaved deserve”.
One priest told the Irish Independent of concern about some instances where church wakes have “got out of hand” and were turned into social events. The debate is sure to continue and it has raised a number of issues around funerals, the role of a church, and how to accommodate a grieving family’s faith needs with social expectations.
The divide over funeral customs also extends to eulogies, a topic covered in a survey by RIP.ie this week.
While the 3,400 people who took part in the survey were not asked about wakes, their views were sought on the issue of a eulogy at the funeral mass. A number of dioceses in Ireland do not permit eulogies during the funeral mass. Yet 95pc of respondents in Munster said they believed a eulogy should be part of the funeral service.
There is always a risk of a badly prepared eulogy becoming uncomfortable or dragging on or revealing inappropriate information. But without a eulogy, the funeral can seem impersonal and perfunctory.
I recall one particular funeral presided over by a priest who stuck closely to the rules. There was no eulogy, nor any real personal touches, despite the priest having known the deceased and their grieving family for decades. He might as well have never met them, for all the difference it made.
Surely it is insensitive to so starkly put rules above pastoral needs.
Perhaps concern over the possibility of an impersonal liturgy is the reason why the vast majority in the RIP.ie survey expressed support for the right of the bereaved to deliver a short tribute about their loved ones and to say goodbye to them in their own words.
Fr Tim Hazelwood is a spokesman for the Association of Catholic Priests and a parish priest in the Cloyne diocese. In his experience, wakes are held in the family home or at the funeral home, not in the church. He has attended a wake in a church and says he did not find it very reverent.
“It was like a marketplace with people standing around and talking. It was a social gathering, and I didn’t feel it was very respectful in the church,” he said. “I love the idea that at a wake you have stories and jokes about the deceased but laughing and shouting out loud in the church – it is a place of worship. I don’t think it is appropriate.”
If every family decided to hold a wake in a church and make it an overnight vigil, that would be a huge logistical challenge to churches in relation to oversight by personnel and insurance.
Perhaps the best way forward is for those who wish to have a wake to do so in the family home or at a funeral home, where there are no church constraints.
For those who opt for a removal, they do so on the basis that it’s a religious service and therefore a more sedate affair.
As for eulogies, bishops and priests need to compromise and allow grieving families to express their love and loss in their own words.