People of faith who are also queer can experience physical, psychological and verbal abuse and micro-aggressions at the hands of unaccepting families and church communities who do not acknowledge or affirm their sexuality and/or gender.
Rejection, deadnaming and relationships not being recognised are just some of the things LGBTQ+ Christians can face, leading to poor mental health and an overall sense of isolation.
In 2021, research carried out by PinkNews as part of our All I Want For Christmas Is To Be Myself campaign, showed that of the more than 7,500 readers surveyed, 82 per cent had to hide their LGBTQ+ identities during the Christmas period. Ten per cent said they planned to spend the holiday period alone.
Chris Grant, the founder of The Queer Therapist, said that while some comments made might be “overt transphobia or homophobia”, having to listen to smaller, but still bigoted, things throughout the day “can be extremely painful over an extended period of time”.
He went on to say: “What we’re doing when we’re going home to our families is returning to what is potentially a source of discomfort. That can throw up a lot of distressing feelings around loss and grief, attached to what we would have hoped we might have as children, teenagers or even as adults.”
Bearing that in mind, for the second successive year, PinkNews has asked Anglican priest Sarah Jones, the vicar at The City Parish of St John The Baptist, in Cardiff, and an honorary canon of Llandaff Cathedral, to write a special queer-inclusive Christmas message for LGBTQ+ people.
Jones was the first person who had transitioned to be recommended for training for ordination by the Church of England. She was ordained in 2004.
It’s a scandal that verbal and physical attacks based on sexuality, sex and gender still happen in our society. As an Anglican priest, one of the things that makes me angry and sad is that all too often members of the LGBTQIA+ community are treated worse in churches than they are in the rest of society.
If you have been treated badly by Christians because of your sex, sexuality or gender, let me say two things. First, I am sorry, and secondly: this is not acceptable.
Sadly, many people who use the Bible to criticise LGBTQIA+ people, have never actually read the passages they presume to be critical of us. Some have, but many haven’t.
The Bible does not mention homosexuality. That word was coined in the 19th century and only started appearing in bibles in the mid-20th century. Many Christians act as if they don’t know this.
The good news is that LGBTQIA+ people are more welcome in churches than you might think. Many Christians are not hung up on matters of sexuality and gender. Many churches are welcoming and ready to meet the real you.
Some years before I was ordained, I went to midnight mass with my new girlfriend in her home town. She wasn’t religious but she liked the thought of going to church at Christmas.
Just before the service started, four young lads walked in. They were dressed as Teletubbies. They had been drinking but they wanted to come to church. They removed their heads (which was a good thing to do!) and I was delighted that along with everybody else in the church that night, there was Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po.
It was a great sign that everyone was included and I was so pleased they felt able to attend.
Christmas is all about inclusion. If God exists (and I obviously think that God does exist) then Jesus coming into our world is a radical act. This is about the divine becoming human. Expectations are turned upside down as the creator of the universe is born into a poor family and shares his early days with animals.
As he grows up, Jesus spends his time with outcasts and those who are not highly honoured in his society. His message is that you matter, you have dignity and if you want to connect with God, you just have to decide to opt in.
So, if you would like to go to church this Christmas… DO! I gave the following tips in my article last year and as they are still good tips, I’ll repeat them.
Find a church that will welcome you. Organisations such as Inclusive Church keep an online list of welcoming churches. Networks such as Open Table have regular services. Churches such as St James’s Piccadilly, St Mary The Virgin, in Oxford, and St John’s where I am the vicar are solidly inclusive.
Many cathedrals are very welcoming. OneBodyOneFaith has resources and links to groups in many denominations. MCC Church nationally and The Gathering, in Cardiff, are deliberately LGBTQIA+ churches.
So, please don’t feel shut out. You are welcome. Go where you are wanted and loved. And if you really want to treat yourself, check out Jay Hulme’s poem Jesus at the Gay Bar.