One in ten married people has a secret bank account according to the findings of a recent survey on financial fidelity.
One thousand people took part in the survey for lastminute.com; 55%
were married, the others in a significant relationship or cohabiting.
10% of those who were married said they had a secret bank account.
Including all respondents, 8% had a hidden account.
Overall, one in
five has had a partner lie to them about money.
In relation to the ‘secret accounts’, 34% said they had more than
€5,000 in the account, with 27% having between €1,000 and €5,000 in the
account.
14% of single women said they kept the account hidden from their
partner in case they were to split up, with just 1% of males reasoning
in the same way.
Almost half (46%) said they hid the account because
their finances “were their own business.”
Men were most likely to feel
this way.
“The underlying issue is the issue of trust,” Liam Lally, Co-Director
of counselling with Accord (the Catholic marriage agency) told ciNews.
“Once a person becomes aware that his or her spouse is hiding
something, they’re likely to ask ‘What else is he or she hiding?’”
The remedy, says Mr Lally, is to come clean, first of all to one self
- whether it is over sexual infidelity, gambling, use of the internet,
or not being straight about finances.
“The person we lie to most, is ourselves. Then we must come clean
with our partner and if that is established, we can work on it together
and perhaps with the help of a counsellor, build trust.”
However, there are no guarantees and if there is a pattern, it can be
more difficult to break.
“Sexual infidelity can be more of a once
off. Financial infidelity can be going on a while.”
More and more couples are coming to Accord over financial
difficulties, which are putting a strain on their marriage.
In 2007 one
in three couples sought help with their marriage due to financial
difficulties but by the end of 2010, that figure had doubled to 60%.
What causes the greatest problem in Accord’s experience is
communication difficulty, which can feed into financial difficulties.
His advice to those coming into a marriage is to be realistic about
money and to be honest, revealing all debts to each other.
“Then once
you’re married, continue that openness. It will enrich the
relationship.”
Couples should tell each other their full earnings, agree the bills
that will be paid from a common fund and agree what is discretionary for
themselves.
“It doesn’t mean each person has to spend the same amount,
as long as both know how much is coming in and where it is going,” he
said.
Even with a small income, couples can be happy.
“I know couples who have little, and for them, sharing chocolate and a
coke with good grace means more than a couple having a meal out with
tension between them.”