If I had my choice, I'd like Allegri's Miserere, sung by the Choir of Westminster Abbey. Well, a girl can dream, can't she?
There are few of us who don't have a song, a reading, a poem – something we've declared we want at our funeral, something we want to represent a part of our essence at the last goodbye we're going to get.
Even if what happens once they're gone isn't remotely important to the person who's passed, it's important to those who mourn them. Chimps, elephants – even magpies – have been known to perform a rudimentary sending-off ceremony.
It's important to grieve, to mark a passing – whether it's making a pile of grass or listening to a much-loved song. Or simply saying a few words. If you're allowed.
In the past, Catholic burial was standard: Hail Marys and Glory Bes – a relatively impersonal procedure. 'As men, we are all equal in the presence of death.'
But darned if we haven't gotten a bit up ourselves and started wanting funerals to actually make reference to the person who's in the wooden/wicker/cardboard receptacle up at the top of the church; and to the life that they lived, no matter how long or short.
And in tribute to that life, some people happen to think that it might be nice that the 'saying the few words' bit is undertaken by someone who has actually known the dearly departed.
In the past, it was likely that the local priest could fulfil this role.
But nowadays, parishes are bigger and more diverse and families are scattered.
We've all been to funerals where it's clearly apparent that the cleric's entire knowledge of the dead person has been gleaned from a very recent, single conversation.
But then again, can we blame a priest for limited knowledge if the only time we've rocked up to take a pew has been at weddings or the occasional Christmas morning?
If we've christened our kids only to get them into school, or presented them for Communion because everyone else does?
Just
because the funeral is dessert on the a la carte menu of Catholicism,
does it mean that the person we ask to commend our soul to God knows
what we had for starters and main course too?
Bishop of Meath Dr Michael Smith's ban on eulogies by family members and friends has caused outrage. What it should finally cause, however, is conversation.
Can
the Catholic 'faithful', for example, pick and choose to follow only
their preferred aspects of Catholic doctrine and participate solely on a
level of their choosing and still expect to deserve input into how a
Catholic funeral service should be conducted?
Can the Catholic Church, on the other hand, take an inconsistent hardline stance on certain matters and still expect a dwindling, damaged, disillusioned flock to return to its arms?
Can the dead not be honoured personally at their own funerals – in the single ceremony where most people of significance to them have gathered for less than an hour, for the last time, indoors, before their God, without that meaning that Peter's rock is going to crumble instantly to dust?
And surely those who wish to be buried in a
Catholic ceremony can manage to be reasonable and respectful in their
tributes in the context of where they will be paid?
A MIDDLE ground where the priest gets the name right but the coffin isn't carried out by shirtless dancers?
Surely a bit of Josh Groban and 'Stop All The Clocks . . .' won't cause the Eucharist to combust?
And surely even the most grief-stricken have the cop on not to request Wu Tang Clan for the offertory, no matter how much the deceased loved Ol' Dirty.
No one goes to a funeral for the entertainment.
They go with solemn intent to say goodbye.
But bright colours and gospel choirs at the request of the deceased don't make the Requiem Mass a party and they are far from 'dumbing down' the true meaning of the ceremony.
Surely then, at the day's end, balance, appropriate behaviour and reason from everyone involved is a fair – and Christian-enough – request, at a difficult, yet defining life event?
After all, we only die once.