One of the themes Benedict XVI returns to again and again is marriage and the family.As the popularity of divorce continues and families are subjected to ever new trials, the Pope knows that forming and maintaining a Christian marriage in the 21st century is no easy task.
In the United States, about 13% of adult Catholics are divorced.
Another 11% have been through a divorce and are now remarried or living with a partner.
"Marriage" between homosexuals is now legal in two states, Massachusetts and California. As of today, both are now open to out-of-state same-sex couples getting married there.
So Angela Hanson and Beth Carter, respectively directors of "Three to Get Married" and "Three to Stay Married," have their work cut out for them.
The Georgia-based programs, named after the title of a book by the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen of Rochester, New York, aim to offer engaged and married couples a lifeline as they swim against the cultural current.
"Three to Get Married" was founded first, Hanson explained -- by a laywoman who "saw a great need for comprehensive marriage preparation that spanned a weekend […] and covered very important topics in marriage, such as the faith, communication, children and finances. With the help of priests and many others, she developed the program based on the fact that God has to be the most important component of your marriage -- hence the name 'Three to Get Married.'"
"Three to Stay Married" is a follow up offered to the same couples who participated in the first program and others who join in, "though it is more social, and not as intense at the 'Three to Get Married' weekend," Carter said.
Persevering
Both programs are contributing to answer the calls made by the Pope to support the family. Last August, during a question-and-answer session with priests, the Holy Father went so far as to recommend support programs for married couples at least for the first decade of their marriage.
He said that "ongoing guidance, at least in the first 10 years, is of the utmost importance."
Carter is not surprised by such a recommendation. She said both her personal experience, and what she has seen with "Three to Stay Married," backs the Pontiff's recommendation.
"My husband and I have been married three and a half years," she said, "but I can definitely say, despite a very happy marriage, we need lots of support and guidance. All young married couples need guidance because it is hard, and guidance from a priest or from another more experienced couple can really help you persevere.
"In marriage two people meld two lives into one, and we need as much prayer and support as we can get. […] It is important to hear over and over again that the most joy will come from what seems the most challenging -- giving yourself for your spouse and for your children."
Living and preaching
That message seems to be one that Catholics are not hearing enough.
Earlier this year, a survey from the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate noted that preparation the Church offers to engaged couples in the United States is helping marriages, but that Catholic couples do not consistently turn to the Church for help with struggles during marriage.
Carter agrees that parishes need to offer more support, but she said it is up to the laity to take up the invitation.
"Most parishes offer Bible classes, catechesis, and men's and women's groups. You don't often see programs specifically for couples to build marriages," she said. "I believe this is where the laity need to get involved. According to Vatican II, we are called to get involved and support our pastors -- he can't do it all.
"Couples that are living marriages faithful to the teachings of the Church need to be out there supporting one another and boldly proclaiming the truth about marriage. That is the goal of 'Three to Stay Married': an environment where young couples can get started on the right foot in living the Church's teachings, and sharing that message with other married couples who may need support."
"As lay people in a very secular culture," Carter affirmed "we have to get involved and support our priests by living and preaching the truth."
Most important
And the importance of starting off on the right foot cannot be underestimated, Hanson agreed: "As many famous spiritual writers have said, we prepare for the business or professional world with years of study, but somehow we embark on the most important decision of our life -- marriage, and the spouse we choose -- with little to no reflection.
"I think a weekend for marriage preparation, although even too short for such an important decision, is the only way to make it as comprehensive as possible. […] It is difficult to live a Catholic marriage in our society today, so sufficient preparation is essential, but unfortunately it is missing in some dioceses, due to a lack of resources, support, or simple man-power."
Hanson acknowledged that some couples seek out marriage preparation because it is a pre-requisite to the traditional church wedding they have always dreamed of. But, she said, even if their motives are not the best, the preparation program can still give fruit.
"Our task in the 'Three to Get Married' program is to impart to participants what it means to be married in the Church, and what that entails in their daily married life," Hanson explained. "Even for couples who are there simply because they want the traditional 'church ceremony,' if they are sincere, find that they can glean useful information from the weekend, and may even have a change of heart or conversion by the end.
"The human, but more importantly, the spiritual transformation of the couples participating cannot be underestimated on these weekends."
Sexual ethics
Both Hanson and Carter agreed that one of the key elements to both programs is explaining and encouraging the Church's teaching on sexual ethics.
"One of the big issues of sexual ethics is that of family planning," Hanson said.
"'Three to Get Married' covers the Church teaching on natural family planning and birth control, and several of the other talks cover treating your spouse respectfully in the sexual act, making it an act of mutual love and not simply self-serving."
Carter agreed that such a focus is key: "We live in a culture where the Catholic ideal of marriage being a gift of self and being open to life are often challenged by society and even family."
"When a couple is constantly challenged on the way in which they are living their lives, they need support, and they do not always get it from family," she added.
"Meeting and knowing other couples who are striving for the same goals as you can really help."
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