Wednesday, March 09, 2011

1 in 10 married people with secret bank account

One in ten married people has a secret bank account according to the findings of a recent survey on financial fidelity.
  
One thousand people took part in the survey for lastminute.com; 55% were married, the others in a significant relationship or cohabiting.  

10% of those who were married said they had a secret bank account.  

Including all respondents, 8% had a hidden account.  

Overall, one in five has had a partner lie to them about money.

In relation to the ‘secret accounts’, 34% said they had more than €5,000 in the account, with 27% having between €1,000 and €5,000 in the account.

14% of single women said they kept the account hidden from their partner in case they were to split up, with just 1% of males reasoning in the same way.  

Almost half (46%) said they hid the account because their finances “were their own business.”  

Men were most likely to feel this way.

“The underlying issue is the issue of trust,” Liam Lally, Co-Director of counselling with Accord (the Catholic marriage agency) told ciNews.  

“Once a person becomes aware that his or her spouse is hiding something, they’re likely to ask ‘What else is he or she hiding?’”

The remedy, says Mr Lally, is to come clean, first of all to one self - whether it is over sexual infidelity, gambling, use of the internet, or not being straight about finances.

“The person we lie to most, is ourselves.  Then we must come clean with our partner and if that is established, we can work on it together and perhaps with the help of a counsellor, build trust.”

However, there are no guarantees and if there is a pattern, it can be more difficult to break.  

“Sexual infidelity can be more of a once off.  Financial infidelity can be going on a while.”

More and more couples are coming to Accord over financial difficulties, which are putting a strain on their marriage.  

In 2007 one in three couples sought help with their marriage due to financial difficulties but by the end of 2010, that figure had doubled to 60%.

What causes the greatest problem in Accord’s experience is communication difficulty, which can feed into financial difficulties.  

His advice to those coming into a marriage is to be realistic about money and to be honest, revealing all debts to each other. 

“Then once you’re married, continue that openness.  It will enrich the relationship.”

Couples should tell each other their full earnings, agree the bills that will be paid from a common fund and agree what is discretionary for themselves.  

“It doesn’t mean each person has to spend the same amount, as long as both know how much is coming in and where it is going,” he said.

Even with a small income, couples can be happy. 

“I know couples who have little, and for them, sharing chocolate and a coke with good grace means more than a couple having a meal out with tension between them.”