A 27 year old German man wearing sunglasses, a pink T-shirt, dark shorts and a beige baseball cap jumped over the barricade and attempted to commandeer the Pope mobile.He held onto it for only a few seconds before Holy Water was tossed on him and he released his grip."It burns...it burns..." he screamed as he thrashed about on the ground.
The Pope was not hurt but appeared pretty pissed off.
"Damn, right it burns. Don't ever touch my ride again," he berated the man over his shoulder as the procession continued the rest of the way without incident.
The man reportedly told authorities that he was simply trying to give the Pope his business card. "I just wanted to pimp his ride, that's all. I mean, look at it. It's screaming for a make-over. Now, I figure some spinning red rims and maybe a couple of cobalt blue lightening bolts across the door to begin with..."
After listening to what the man intended to do with the Pope mobile, Rev. Federico Lombardi, the Vatican spokesman, appeared briefly before the media, still ashen-faced.
After pausing to throw up into a bucket, he declared the man to be "mentally imbalanced."
"What he wants to do with the Pope mobile is just plain wacked," he said. "I mean, a spinning, gold-trimmed Prophecies of Fatima license plate with neon outline? Neon? This is the Pope we're talking about here, not some TV evangelist."
Vatican police took the unidentified man to an undisclosed hospital for psychiatric treatment.
Remarking about his attire, Vatican security noted, "He needs some serious help with that fashion statement. Dressed like that, there was no way in Hell that the Pope was going to let him anywhere near his ride."
German-born Pope Benedict after reading a complete transcript of the "pimping proposition" made a special trip to where the man was being held to throw more Holy Water on him. He declined to answer any direct questions, but did note, "I'm going to need a lot more water."
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