‘This Valentine’s day try and create space for each other, turn off the TV and radio, take a break away, go for a walk but do something which establishes your spouse as a priority.’This advice comes from Director of Counselling at the Catholic Marriage Agency, Accord, John Farrelly, who advises that couples should celebrate Valentine’s day, but ultimately ‘the objective is to be romantic and loving year-round, not just one day a year.’
‘Being sweet and romantic on Valentine’s Day is great, but the real test comes on the other 364 days of the year,’ he adds.
It was Pope Gelasius I who named February 14 as Saint Valentine’s Day. Traditionally the day is celebrated with exchanged messages of love and affection, but according to Mr Farrelly, it can also be a day when ‘marriage comes under the microscope’.
He says for many couples it is a chance to break away from ‘deep freeze love’, where spouses take each other’s love for granted. This attitude is epitomised in the story of a woman who asks her husband why he never tells her he loves her any more. ‘On the day we married I told you I loved you, if there is any change I will let you know!’ is his reply.
Mr Farrelly, who has been counselling couples for fifteen years, says that often the role of father and mother takes over the relationship. ‘If we are not careful we can forget the reason we chose each other - love!
'This Valentine’s day try and create space for each other, turn off the TV and radio, take a break away, go for a walk but do something which establishes your spouse as a priority. Trust me the kids will still be there when you get back!’ he writes on the Accord website.
To get the ‘romance’ back Mr Farrelly advises:
Music - Find the music of your romance, the song you associate with the birth of your love, and play it.
Men should not underestimate the importance of Valentine’s Day to their spouse and should put thought into a gift. ‘In most cases, it’s not the time to give a wife a new household appliance,’ he adds.
Do not show resentment over 'having' to give a gift or do something special for Valentine’s Day, or comment on what a rip-off the day is.
Try to avoid being ultra-romantic on Valentine’s Day but unromantic the rest of the year.
Ireland has a special link with St Valentine, whose remains lie in a casket in the Carmelite Church in Whitefriar Street. Each year on 14th February the reliquary containing the saint’s remains is moved from beneath the side-altar and placed before the high altar in the church and couples have the opportunity to have their rings blessed by it during masses.
On Tuesday, figures released by Knock Marriage Bureau showed that eight couples married in 2006 through the bureau. Canon Joseph Cooney, its director, said that increasingly younger people are seeking introductions through Knock.
Meanwhile, in Britain which has seen a 30 per cent drop in Catholic weddings in the past decade, the Church is offering single people the chance to seek ‘divine intervention by the saint, described as a "heavenly helper famed for his match-making prowess”’.
The saint in question is Saint Raphael the Archangel, to whom www.life4seekers.co.uk recommends a novena, beginning today.
The website says it is not pitching Valentine and Raphael against each other: ‘Saint Valentine, for example, is the patron saint for people who have already found their Mr or Mrs Right; of lovers and fiancés. Meanwhile, Saint Raphael is patron for those who are still looking for a partner and are seeking help.’.
Singles looking for a marriage partner are invited to say the following prayer for the next nine days:
‘St. Raphael, you were sent by God to guide young Tobias in choosing a good and virtuous spouse. Please help me in this important choice which will affect my whole future.
You not only directed Tobias in finding a wife, but you also gave him guidelines which should be foremost in every Christian marriage: “Pray together before making important decisions.” Amen’
Saint Valentine came from Terni, a town an hour from Rome, which at that time was known as Interamna.
According to legend and Church history, St Valentine, who was Bishop of Interamna, secretly married young couples against the wishes of the Emperor Aurelius who had decided that married men made poor soldiers and banned young men from marrying.
Bishop Valentine however, believed that marriage was part of God's plan and purpose for the world.
Thinking the emperor cruel and unjust he invited young lovers to come to him in secret, and he joined them in the sacrament of matrimony.
A well-known legend tells that he used to make the present of a flower from his own garden to young visitors. Two of these young people fell in love; and were so happy that many other couples followed their example, to such a point that the Saint was induced to dedicate one day of the year to a general benediction of the state of matrimony.
When the emperor learned of this 'friend of lovers,' he ordered the bishop be brought to the palace. Impressed with the young bishop's dignity and conviction, Aurelius tried to convert him to the pagan Roman gods and save him from otherwise certain execution.
Valentine refused to renounce Christianity.
In February 273, Valentine was clubbed, stoned and then beheaded on the orders of the Roman prefect Placidus Furius.
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